dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
