woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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