he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
