I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
