accomplished twins. life is a go
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
