she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I deserve this hangover.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
