His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
