I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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