I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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