I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
