R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So much rum. So many feels.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
