In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
