Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize