i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
