allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
