Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Randomize
