oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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