I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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