wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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