i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize