guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
