i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
