I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
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If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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