How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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