I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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