Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
