can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
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she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
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Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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