My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
