Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
