I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
