Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
