guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
