Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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