Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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