hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
This is classic penis vs brain.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
