Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
