Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
