this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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