She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
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I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
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And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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