i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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