wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
