There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Operation Purity has been aborted
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
These tits shall not be calmed
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
