Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
love makes seman taste better
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
