I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was