Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
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First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
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This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.