Texts From Last Night

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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.

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  (609): I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick. http://tfl.nu/i44q
  Replies (34) Good night (4654) Bad night (751)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.

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  (513): you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that. http://tfl.nu/6e0s
  Replies (11) Good night (716) Bad night (4506)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.

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  (724): my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out. http://tfl.nu/0szs
  Replies (18) Good night (5033) Bad night (941)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia

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  (202): i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia http://tfl.nu/b46k
  Replies (3) Good night (1389) Bad night (3348)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors

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  (973): He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors http://tfl.nu/k8g7
  Replies (8) Good night (5504) Bad night (1925)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.

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  (610): You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol. http://tfl.nu/qjw2
  Replies (10) Good night (9200) Bad night (956)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.

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  (914): Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names. http://tfl.nu/zaoe
  Replies (4) Good night (2515) Bad night (551)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.

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  (770): Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days. http://tfl.nu/lo7p
  Replies (4) Good night (386) Bad night (1200)
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it

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  (641): She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it http://tfl.nu/mwwo
  Replies (7) Good night (1029) Bad night (478)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra

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  (810): Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra http://tfl.nu/ryel
  Replies (4) Good night (727) Bad night (403)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.

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  (425): I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep. http://tfl.nu/3psv
  Replies (0) Good night (362) Bad night (277)
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  (347): View more from New York

  Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..

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  (347): Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that.. http://tfl.nu/n8po
  Replies (4) Good night (488) Bad night (360)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.

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  (412): i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms. http://tfl.nu/uje7
  Replies (6) Good night (570) Bad night (255)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.

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  (334): I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local. http://tfl.nu/qrkd
  Replies (2) Good night (393) Bad night (239)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  ...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.

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  (505): wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days. (505): ...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it. http://tfl.nu/p1xm
  Replies (3) Good night (581) Bad night (374)

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