The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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