how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
