things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
