just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Randomize
