I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
