fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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