i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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