I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
