brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
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