i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
