You really coming over, don't trick.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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