Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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