If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
