yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
