i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
