so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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